So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
