Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
