this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Panties = found
Randomize
