I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
