The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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