My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
