Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
