is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
