last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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