how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
