What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
