can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
