I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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