Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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