so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize