i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
