so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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