This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
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He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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