I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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