i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
