I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
