She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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