I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
