return my video game
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
