whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
