Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize