I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
