I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
