i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
