I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize