I'm jealous of your bromance
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
