Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
