Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the day after is always just damage control
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
