Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
