just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
