if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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