you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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