Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
