Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
