apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
