I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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