I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
