i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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