Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
