I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
