You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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