u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
