she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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