Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
