i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
