Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He passed out mid-signature
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I did not marry a roomba.
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