garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wow bdsm is so cute
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
