The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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