he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
