90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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