ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
