Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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