You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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