I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
