I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
