If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
