quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
