yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
