I can't watch pbs sober anymore
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
