You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
