So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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