I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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