I bet he comes in French.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
