my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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