I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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