I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
