umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well you can't waste a boner
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
soo... how was my night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
