i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize